Ginger's Insane Ramblings

Thank God It's Over

2007-01-05T07:21:00.000-06:00

I survived 2006. I'm thinking about printing up t-shirts. The year was bad. All of it. From the beginning to the end.

2007 is going to be a year of picking up the pieces. Pieces of my sanity. Pieces of my marriage. Pieces of my living situation. Pieces of ... me.

I was hopeful going into 2006, but I'm throwing myself into 2007 with gusto. If it turns out to be as bad as 2006? I won't make it.

Ginger

Constitution and Religion

2006-03-12T16:46:00.000-06:00

"Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn't place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible."

-Jamie Raskin, testifying Wednesday, March 1, 2006 before the Maryland Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee in response to a question from Republican Senator Nancy Jacobs about whether marriage discrimination against gay people is required by "God's Law."

I love this man. --Ginger

Ponderings on Relationships

2006-03-09T18:38:00.000-06:00

I've noticed recently that I have been receiving more pleasure (not THAT kind ) from my online relationships than I have from my real life relationships. That my online friends don't want me to be anything I am not. That they like me just for being me not for what I do.

We consider what we "do" as the same as who we "are". That's just not the case. What we do can be a product of who we are, but it doesn't define "the individual".

So I'm left with flesh-friends who want me to "do" to "be", and online-friends who want me to "be" to "be".

Then I wonder why I value my online friends so much.

Ginger, back to studying Eastern religions again

Fleeting Joy

2006-02-16T09:50:00.000-06:00

You know what's worse than being depressed all the time? Having fifteen minutes of non-hypomanic joy. And then someone saying something that crashes you. It would have been better not to have felt the joy at all. It had been SO long since I'd been actually happy. Going from "eh" to depressed isn't much of a fall. But going from joy to the dregs makes you feel like your whole body is broken.

Ginger

My Thoughts On Most Online Romantic Relationships

2005-12-31T23:51:00.000-06:00

Summed up in a lovely song:

http://locker.myyearbook.com/backpackfiles/2005/12/25/20/other43af5ad5455d2.swf

Enjoy.

Ginger

Holiday Season This >< Close To Being Over

2005-12-30T17:47:00.000-06:00

I promise I will write of the holiday exploits that included going back to my parents' house for Christmas - after spending a month there with Katrina - having my brother still staying with us and all the other festive holiday crap. I want Monday to be here. I'm ready for a year that doesn't end in 5.

Ginger out

What is it about Mondays?

2005-12-19T23:05:00.000-06:00

It's not like I have a job other than professional crazy person. So why do Mondays still suck?

I thought I had an appointment with my new psychiatrist today. Went to the office like a good girl, holding panic in check. To find out that my appointment is TOMORROW morning. Great.

So on to my next task which was going to Walmart. We were out of food. We had parts of meals, but no actual meals. No snacks. No milk. Panic attack in the cereal aisle. So I wound up needing two carts - which I had to handle myself - to get all the food to stock the kitchen so Mr. Ginger doesn't starve while I'm at my parents for Christmas. Why am I leaving him alone for Christmas? It's his PRESENT. Since the evacuation, he has had zero time alone in the house. He's going to get at LEAST three days by himself with a stocked kitchen and video games. I will not be calling him unless I break a bone or blood is gushing out of a head wound made by a herd of wild buffalo trampling me.

So I now have the song "Tell My Why I Don't Like Mondays" going through my head.

Did watch Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy tonight. HIGHLY recommended. Time went so fast I thought I was in an improbablity drive!

Ginger out

Insomnia? Not here!

2005-12-17T02:09:00.000-06:00

More like narcolepsy. There is nothing new to report other than the fact that I have done little but sleep after the therapy appointment. My body was running so stressed that I needed lots of sleep.

Good news is: my niece is off to my parents for Winter Break. Which means that I do not have to get up in the morning Tuesday or Wednesday. I do Monday because I have an appointment with the new psychiatrist and need to pick up my new contacts.

I'm a horrible contact lens wearer. "Extended-wear" means for me a couple years. Seriously. I only take them out if I'm having a problem. I had my eye exam (and got new glasses that are actually in my current prescription rather than my prescription fifteen years ago) because my right contact decided to go wonky on me. When I tried to clean off the caked on boulders, the contact tore. So new boxes of contacts for me. Which means I should be set for the next ten years or so. Do not try this at home.

Ginger out

While stressful...

2005-12-16T01:42:00.000-06:00

...my appointment with my therapist was good. I got gold stars for not killing myself/checking myself into the whacko basket instead, taking steps to get back into therapy and having a few longer-ranged plans. Apparently, a lot of people with my diagnoses completely decompensated over Katrina. He was "impressed" (his word) that I'm handling it.

I'm going to keep going to see him on the Northshore until he gets an office on my side of the lake. The thought of starting everything over from the beginning with another therapist - not to mention screening out the mental health quacks - just isn't worth it.

Not only that, but my therapist knows the new psychiatrist I'm seeing on Monday. That's the psychiatrist he would have recommended for me! Getting his stamp of approval on my new doc is a big relief since I trust his judgement and knowledge of me.

I slept all day. Seven hours last night. Seven and a half hours this afternoon. I'd been so tense leading up to all this I exhausted myself.

Took niece to school, picked up prescriptions, came home and computed, took Myoko in for her spay recheck. This time I chose to NOT listen to Mr. Ginger and just held her on my lap while I drove her there. She shook and was terrified in the carrier for the dropping off part of the spaying. She is puzzled when she's on my lap, but she doesn't shake with fear. After the appointment, I came home and went to bed. Until after seven.

I'm about to toddle off to bed.

Ginger Out

Big Old Whiner

2005-12-14T09:06:00.000-06:00

Okay. I already know that I am one of the luckiest people alive in New Orleans and that I should just be thankful for the fact that my people, pets, house, car, etc. are all perfectly fine. And I am grateful for those things.

However, today I'm being selfish. With the turmoil in the city, my therapist has had a hard time getting back to his regular office on my side of Lake Ponchatrain. So after breaking off therapy due to named rain at the worst possible time in therapy, I have had no contact with either of my mental health providers since August. Crazy people NEED their mental health providers. My psychiatrist is still nowhere to be found and I'm pissed enough about that so I'm changing pdocs. I see the new one on Monday and I'm dreading it. My therapist still has his office on the northshore because that area was much less badly hit than the city itself. So agoraphobia girl desperately in need of therapy has an appointment with him at his northshore office today. Not only do we get to pick up where we left off - which I don't want to do but need to do - I also get to go through the horror of the evacuation and the three-day trip to the bin that concluded my evacuation. And best of all, I get to drive an hour and fifteen minutes each way to do this to myself.

Yes, I'm whining because my therapist is too far away. People have slabs left where their houses used to be and I'm whining about this. I'm a big selfish baby.

Ginger

Monday Again

2005-12-12T11:38:00.000-06:00

Monday, December 12, 2005

So. It's Monday again. I was errand-girl this morning. Got my last Christmas present. Last of the Christmas presents are to be wrapped tomorrow night. Package for in-laws ready to go with wrapped packages. Bills mailed out. I have accomplished much this morning. Which is amazing given that I spent most of my night snuggled up with my big black cat listening to my tape of the first six West Wing episodes and not sleeping. Fortunately, the cat is VERY soothing. Like a stuffed animal that purrs. The other critters scattered themselves around me.

What's new? Paxil is now Category D. What does that mean? It means it can't be taken during pregnancy anymore. So now I have an appointment with a new shrink (because my old one is a fucker and hasn't contacted any of his patients since Katrina) to discuss options. I'm terrified that it's going to come down to paxil or pregnancy. Sanity or parenthood. So I'm freaked. The paxil bottle is now the focus of my wrath. I went non-compliant for three days. Which is a brilliant thing for a bipolar person to do in the midst of a depressive episode - stop taking her antidepressant. But I'm compliant again. Grudgingly.

I got a call from an old friend last night. I haven't seen him in ten years or talked to him in at least five. We've made tentative plans for him and his wife to make a stop in New Orleans on their trip to Houston for his birthday. Orville and I spent so much time together when we lived in Houston. Every other Saturday night, we'd go to see Rocky Horror. I was Magenta, of course. I missed him. His call brightened my evening last night. I've never met his wife, but we've talked on the phone enough that I feel like I know her! Orville gets nervous when we talk. Two women who know him talking? He's a wise man to be worried! They are a wonderful couple. He deserved someone wonderful and found her in Cathey. I can't wait for their visit.

That's pretty much the news from Gingerland.

Ginger Out

Andrea Katherine Landry Entered The World

2005-12-05T16:30:00.000-06:00

Andrea Katherine Landry was born at 3:41pm today. She weighed 6 pounds, 7 ounces and was twenty inches long. Mother and baby are doing great. We will be up to see them tomorrow night. Momma needs to rest after fourteen hours of labor. They'll be in L&D until tomorrow morning, at which point they'll get moved to a regular room.

::does the happy dance::

Ed to add pic:

Ginger

Birthin' Baby

2005-12-05T15:50:00.000-06:00

Mr. Ginger's best friend and best friend's wife are currently at the hospital expecting their daughter to arrive any time now! We were best man/matron of honor at their wedding this past September - in my parents' backyard during the hurricane Katrina evacuation.

Hooray!

Lazy Sunday

2005-12-04T14:32:00.000-06:00

I'm bored. I'm the Chairman of the Bored (a little Dweezil Zappa reference). I got up late. Too late. Sleeping tonight is going to require medication late. I was all snuggled down with the bed to myself other than the array of furry spaceheaters that had strewn themselves across the comforter.

I've had a drama-free day. Which, I suppose, is understandable since I haven't had any human contact today. People may have called me. Don't care. Phone is turned off so I don't even know if anyone has called me.

Reviewed some fanfic by a friend of mine. K/S stories that range from G to NC17. If you like that sort of thing, visit her website (http://www.starshadow.net/). Really good stuff there.

Now I'm sitting around trying to figure out what to do next. There is housework to be done. Of course, there is ALWAYS housework to be done. Nothing is screaming out to me like the Thanksgiving dishes did for longer than I care to admit. It's Sunday afternoon, so there is nothing interesting on tv besides CSPAN's Booknotes (or is it BookTV now? I know it's one or the other). But I'm not up for anything that will make me think.

I may go soak in the bathtub and finish reading "Under The Tuscan Sun" by Frances Mayes (http://tinyurl.com/bb99d). Not plot-intensive, but very descriptive of living in Tuscany. Makes me want to move to Italy and refurbish an old house. Though the main charaters seem far more handy than I am and have far more money than I do. So I suspect this will remain a fond daydream rather than an eventuality. It does make me hungry for Italian food.

Mood today? Eh. Not great. Not bad. Just eh. Lazy Sunday for me.

Ginger

2005-12-03T13:07:00.000-06:00

Perry (black) and George (orange)

Cleo (calico) and her son Cecil (orange). Both are nubby tailed cats.

Bill (Josie's "puppy")

Abby, our princess.

Fiat - Lousy pic

Josie the Wonder Pitbull -- Ignore the messy living room!

Our newest addition - Myoko.

There is no good picture of Stevie, our blind black cat. Look at Perry up above and pretend he's got yellow eyes and is blind. I'm trying to get a good pic of Stevie, but he is not cooperating. How cat-like.

Only pic of me that has been taken in the past ... fourteen years ... that I've liked. Enjoy!

Now you've met the "fam".

Ginger

Linkage

2005-12-03T12:57:00.000-06:00

If someone more talented than I with regards to html (practically everyone) could possibly tell me how to link to other blogs, that would be super.

Ginger

I have it on good authority...

2005-12-03T12:27:00.000-06:00

...that I DO, in fact, own a blog.

"I only wish I had a blog or I'd post about it."
"You do have a blog."
"I do?"
"Yes. It's linked to mine."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Do you have my address?"

I'd even asked a friend to create a blog for me earlier this year. Apparently my mental librarian misfiled the section marked "Ginger's Blog".

I'm expecting the online drama that seems to always come up around the holidays. Every.single.year. Why? Stress from having to deal with our real-life families so we take it out on online people? Lack of other excitement in our lives?

As a "professional crazy person", I could use that as an excuse to just go off. However, I try to avoid the nutcases this time of year ... really, ANY time of year ... but sometimes they can't be avoided.

So I'm back. After a year and a month, but back nonetheless. I hear cheering from the two people who still remembered that I still had a blog.

Most of this will be ramblings. Thus the title. I've spent the last year battling my mental illnesses. Sometimes I've won. Sometimes they've won. Sometimes we tie.

So this will document my saga.

I'm bipolar ii with secondary diagnoses of agoraphobia and panic disorder. I tend to swing toward the depressive end of bipolar. "Wow, I'll spend three weeks in bed sleeping twenty hours a day."

I'm in New Orleans and dealt with Katrina. Thankfully, all my people and critters are safe and sound. Our house didn't sustain any wind damage and our area doesn't flood. The evacuation to my parents' house for four weeks (one week of that spent travelling to visit Mr. Ginger's family) put me in the looney bin (hereafter referred to as "the bin") for three days. But I'm much better now.

I'm a Libra. So I try to see both sides of any issue. Try to figure out the perspective of the person with whom I'm disagreeing. I don't understand people who read every situation through a haze of paranoia. I tend to take people on face value. If you say you are something, I believe you until proven otherwise. I don't believe everyone is out to get me. It takes a while for me to trust someone, but once I do, I trust completely. I have "skeletons" in my closet that I would rather not rattle or be drawn out into the light. Once I trust someone, my "skeletons" are shared. I have been very lucky to have chosen people who deserve my trust and would not violate that trust. When I know other people's "skeletons", those are kept private. I don't believe in sharing confidences, even if I'm no longer friends with the person in question.

As for my few enemies? They disappear. Not in a mafia kinda way, they just fall off my radar. People who have either cut me out or done something to remove them from my "friend" column get cut from my movie. I'm not going to rent space in my head to people who aren't positive and supportive. Don't get me wrong: I hold grudges. I am very good at holding grudges. Olympic caliber. The way this manifests is by not trusting or dealing with the offending person. I don't hold grudges over things that were unintentionally hurtful. There has to be intent. If there is intent to hurt, that person's role gets cut or recast in my movie and that person is fired. No flashback sequences. No special-guest-starring roles. Just fired.

There are people who get off on continuing one-sided feuds. Trying to draw people back into the fray. I don't understand those people. If someone has hurt you or offended you or maligned you in some unforgivable way, why try to call them out? If they aren't actively bothering you, then perhaps you need to get into therapy to evict them from the apartment they are renting in your head. It isn't worth it. Continuing hate only really hurts the hater. Most of the time the one hated doesn't care.

Ginger

Tired and Cranky

2004-10-09T17:47:00.000-05:00

So. Still trying to keep up this blog thing.

I'm in a generally pissy mood due to circumstances beyond my control. I just need a break. But I'm not DOING ANYTHING so what the hell do I need a break FROM?

G

So.

2004-10-06T08:27:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday. Joy. I'm still getting by. Hopefully.

Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays...

2004-10-04T15:41:00.000-05:00

Testing this new blog business.

Ginger

Tell Me Why I Don't Like Mondays...

2004-10-04T15:34:00.000-05:00

But I did get to start my very own blog today. Thanks to some reminding from Dave. I've cleaned today. Trying to deal with a little hypomania combined with the instructions to have my environment as peaceful as possible. So organization is in my future.

Anyway...HI!!!!

Ginger